I'd rather have a puppy
by Bavaria78
Summary: After a mission was blown Jack has to deal with a drugged MacGyver, which turns out to be quite a challenge. Rated T for a few coarse words. I don't own any of the characters. One shot.


AN:

I'm back. This is my first try on something lighter and (I hope) a bit funny. To be honest, I'm not sure about it. Anyway, I wrote it, so you can decide for yourself if you like it or not. Don't worry, after this one it's going back to whump ;-)

Chapter 1

Jack knew the mission was blown as soon as he heard Macs slurred voice over the coms. „d u kno the sugar conten n wine is meas'red in d'gree Oechsle?"

Mac had been working undercover for a few weeks. He was dating a woman whose father was involved in organized crime and the blond agent was supposed to get intel on her Dads dealings.

Jack tapped his com. „Matty, I'm going in and getting Mac out. She drugged him obviously. I'll take him back to Phoenix."

„Alright Dalton. Take care of him." His boss confirmed.

Back at Phoenix Medical Mac was sitting on the exam table grinning, while he made balloons out of latex gloves. Jack was watching him smiling. „How do you feel Mac?"

„aaaam feelin fat… fatn….fantastic Jaaaack!" He send another balloon flying.

„I bet buddy, I bet." Mac was drugged up to the gills, but Jack was worried, because he didn't know what was Mac dosed with. They had to wait until the blood work came back from the lab.

Matty walked in with Doc Ward in tow. When she saw the floor covered with probably hundred glove balloons she asked sharply. „Why are you letting him make such a mess Dalton?"

„Oh believe me this is way better than what he did before. He almost cut his finger off while carving his initials into the exam table with a scalpell." Jack answered with a pained expression.

Doc Ward chuckled. „Well, he's here often enough. He deserves his own exam table. I have good news. The drug he was given is not life threatening. We'll let it run it's curse through his system. It will take 24 to 36 hours until the effect wears off."

Jack sighed relieved. „Good to hear. So what symptoms do we have to deal with?"

„It's pretty similar to ecstasy. So he will be pretty active, he won't sleep until the effects begin to fade. Better not leave him unsupervised. The slurring will probably pass earlier." The physician explained.

„Ect'sy, ˋs why ˋm feelin sooooo ecstatic," Mac snickered. „u like tha pun Jaaack?"

„Jesus, he's gonna be like this for a whole day?" Jack asked with wide eyes.

Doc Ward nodded. „Or more. You will be busy Jack, good luck."

Matty added. „And don't let him near any explosives Dalton!"

„slosivs? I luv splosivs." Mac piped up. Matty and the Doc laughed, while Jack let out a groan.

„Come on Mac, let's get you home." He stood up and led Mac out of the room. Jack managed to take his partner to the parking lot and into the car without problems and relaxed a bit.

May played with the radio during their drive. The sound of Celine Dions _My heart will go on _began to fill the GTO and Jack rolled his eyes. „Seriously Mac? I hate the movie and I hate the song."

Mac snickered. „ˋs great film." He lowered the passengers window, leaned out with spread arms and screamed. „m the king o the wold!"

Jack grabbed him immediately and pulled him back into the car. „Will you stop that? Are you out of your mind?"

„Nooooo, ˋm feelin ˋstatic." Mac started to sing and Jack rolled his eyes. He was hoping he could Mac get to watch a movie, when they reached his house. He would even put up with Titanic, if it meant that his partner wouldn't get into mischief.

Jack reached a red light and stopped the GTO. Before he could react Mac had opened the door and jumped out of the car. He ran right into a shopping mall. „Mac stop!" But the blond had already disappeared. Jack swore. „What the hell!" He couldn't park the GTO in the middle of the road, so he turned right into the next street and parked the car at the side. It was a no standing area, but he couldn't go and search for a parking lot.

„I'm too old for this shit," Jack breathed as he ran into the mall. There where so many shops, he didn't know where to start. At least it wasn't crowded, but he couldn't make out the blond head of his partner. The Delta heard some loud voices from a tattoo shop and recognized his partner.

Mac stood in the middle of the room, arms folded on his chest and pouted. „wan a pap'lip attoo!"

„Listen man, I have no idea what you're talking about." The owner said confused.

„A pap'lip attoo." It was hilarious, how Mac tried to make the owner understand what he wanted.

Jack stepped forward and laid a hand on Macs arm. „Let's make this decision, when you're feeling better buddy. I don't want you to regret something tomorrow." He pulled a reluctant Mac out of the shop and earned a grateful look from the owner.

Jack turned in the direction of the exit, but obviously his friend had other plans. He spotted a childs ride outside of one of the shops. A boy was riding in it with a bored expression on his face. Mac grinned and said. „I can make it go reaaally fast!" He bend down, opened a hatch and began pulling out the wires. Jack grabbed his arm and shoved the cables back in while scolding his partner. „No, no no no Mac, you can't do this. Please let's just go home."

„You're no fun Jaaack," Mac pouted but obeyed. Jack noticed that the slurring was easing up and hoped that the effects of the drug would maybe wear off sooner than Doc Ward said.

„Legos!" Mac cried excited and pointed to the shopwindow of a toy store. „I love Lego. Can we buy Lego Jack, can we?"

The Delta thought for a minute and decided it would not be a bad idea to give his partner something he would be occupied with. „Ok Mac, but promise me not take anything apart in the shop, ok?"

Mac saluted and said. „Scout's honor Sir!" He snickered and run into the shop.

„It's gonna be a long 24 hours." Jack sighed and followed his partner.

Being with a drugged Mac in a toy shop would have been fun, if Jack didn't have to be the one to run after him. The blond agent would stand in awe of a toy for a second and then jump to the next thing that caught his attention. By the time they had found the Legos Jack was sweating and had discretly closed all the boxes Mac had ripped open in his exitement.

Jack picked up a large box of Legos and held it out for his friend. „What about these? You could build so many things with it." Mac grabbed it and grinned. „Yes!"

Jack took it and stepped to the counter to pay. A moment later he heard a „Whoohoo!" and turned just in time to see his partner passing by on a skateboard and crash into a shelf with plush toys. The shelf crumbled and Mac sat in the middle of it with a pink octopus on his head.

„Mac what have you done now?" Jack sighed and handed the cashier a card with the Phoenix address on it. „Just send the bill for the damage there." Mac climbed out of the mess and stood beside Jack whipping back and forth on his feet. An elderly woman smiled affectionately at the pair and said. „I know it's often hard with a mentally challenged kid, but he is so lovely!"

Jack shot her a pained smile and nodded. Mentally challenged, it would be hilarious if his nerves hadn't already been frayed. Mac leaned over to her and whispered. „We are spies, but don't tell anybody." She nodded and whispered back. „I won't. It will be our little secret." Jack paid and grabbed Mac by the collar and pulled him out of the shop. „Ok, can we go home now PLEASE!" Jack pleaded.

„The last one on the second floor is a rotten egg," Mac cried and ran up the stairs taking two at once.

„What have I done in my last life to deserve this? Mac slow down." Jack shouted and took up pursuit.

As soon as Jack had reached the top of the stairs, Mac hopped on the railing and started to slide down in a surfer pose. Jack closed his eyes as he saw a waiter with a tablet full of food cross Macs path at the bottom of the stairs. A loud crash and a startled cry from the waiter affirmed his fears.

Half an hour later Mac and Jack stood outside the mall both covered in Italian food, because Mac got clingy when security arrived. The Delta didn't loosen his grip when they turned the corner to get to Jacks GTO. „No no please not my baby," Jack started to mumble, when he saw the back of a tow truck pull away with his car on the hook.

„Oh no!" Mac sighed and Jack hoped for a moment, that his partner had come back to himself. „I wish we could have ridden in the tow truck."

„I wish I could have driven my own fucking car. Dammit!" The Delta pulled out his phone and called an Uber. „Are you mad at me?" Mac asked with a small voice and Jack softened.

„No Mac, I'm not mad at you. But could you try and follow my orders please?"

Mac answered. „Of course. I do whatever you … wow look at that!" Jack stopped Mac from running after a kid on a hoverboard and pushed him into the Uber. The driver looked disgusted at their appearance but didn't say anything.

They entered Macs house and Jack was relieved when they were greeted by Bozer. „Mac are you ok? Matty told me you'd been drugged, but that it wasn't serious."

„I feel great. I was shopping with Jack and he bought me Legos." The blond grinned and emptied the box on the living room floor.

Bozer turned to the Delta and frowned. „Shopping? Huh, is that a spaghetti?" He picked the noodle from Jacks shoulder with a surprised look.

„Don't ask. Can you look after him while I take a shower?" Jack pleaded.

„I'm real sorry Jack, but Matty just called me. I have to help a team, they need some masks. I'm on my way. Don't let him blow up anything." Bozer shot him a compassionate glance and left.

Jack took the risk and ran to Macs room to grab two fresh tshirts and was relieved that his partner was still occupied with the Legos when he came back into the living room. After changing Jack sank down on the couch with a bottle of water. He didn't realize, that he had closed his eyes, but he was startled awake by clanking of metal. Jack jumped up and saw that Mac had taken apart the toaster.

He sighed. „Mac why did you slaughter the toaster? Bozer will be pissed."

That didn't seem to bother Mac. „I needed the parts. I can build him a new one."

„Ok, but you'll be the one to explain this to him." There was a rule Bozer had made, that Mac wasn't allowed to take apart the kitchen appliances until someones life depended on it. „Well at least it wasn't the coffee machine," Jack mumbled and went into the kitchen to make a huge pot of strong coffee. The Delta wasn't a caffeine junkie, but today he needed it to stay awake. He smiled affectionately at Mac. Watching his partner play with Legos, totally engrossed in building … well something was a nice experience. It gave him an idea of Mac as a child and Jack couldn't suppress his protective instincts from welling up once more. Jack poured himself a cup of coffee and settled back on the couch. The next few hours went without any further incident and Jack began to relax.

The amount of coffee he drank began to make its presence known and Jack needed to make a bathroom run. The Delta hesitated for a few minutes, thinking if he should tell Mac, but decided to sneak away. Maybe the blond wouldn't even notice he was gone. Jack sighed relieved, when he made his way back to the living room, that was until he heard a whoosh and splatter.

„What the hell," he uttered and began to run the last steps. The sight that greeted him made him speechless. Mac had made a Cola fontain in the middle of the kitchen. The black liquid shot out of the bottle and painted the ceiling and most of the kitchen. Mac stood there in awe, hands folded and a faraway look on his face. „This is so beautiful."

„Bozer is going to kill us," Jack whispered with a horrified expression. „Mac, how could you? We need to clean this up right now before Boze is back."

The blond clapped his hands. „Oh yeah! I can build us a steam cleaner, I just need …"

„Don't bother hoss. I clean it up. You just go along and play Lego." Jack interrupted him, fear shining in his eyes at the thought that Mac might take another appliance apart. There would be hell to pay, well there will be hell to pay anyway, Jack decided when he looked up at the ceiling.

Mac turned to him and pouted. „I'm not playing, I'm building things."

„Well fine with me. Can you build the millenium falcon for me bud?" Jack tried to distract him.

Macs face lit up. „Yeah, no problem. I think there should be enough parts left." He immediately sat down on the living room floor and started his new project.

„I would give anything to be in a gun fight with the bad guys right now. Or beating up some goons, that would be great." Jack sighed and started cleaning up the mess.

After three hours of wiping the kitchen looked presentable again. There was still a sticky feeling when you walked the floor, but after moping it three times Jack was simply to tired to do it a fourth time.

The Delta plopped onto the couch and sipped on a bottle of water. Mac stood up and sat down beside him. „Sorry about the mess," he mumbled with a guilty expression. He seemed more himself now and Jack said. „It's ok buddy, don't worry. I know you couldn't help yourself. How do you feel?"

„I think, it's wearing off. I'm getting tired. Want to watch a movie?" Mac asked.

Jack grinned. „As long as it isn't _Alone at home_ I'm in hoss."

Mac smiled and started _Die Hard_. The drug was wearing off and he was embarrassed by what he had done today. It didn't take long and Mac was sound asleep, leaned against Jacks side. The Delta didn't give in to the pull of sleep. He didn't want to risk to wake up to the house blowing up. The last scenes of _Die Harder _were playing, when Bozer walked in with Riley and Matty in tow. They had bags of take out food and beer with them and Jack was relieved when Mac began to stir and he was able to stand up and stretch a few kinks out.

„How is our genius? Bozer said he was a bit of a handful." Matty wanted to know.

Jack snorted. „You could say that. I think he is ok now. Am I right Mac?" He turned to his partner who also stood up, hair askew and blushing at the mention of his shenangians.

„Yeah, I'm good. I think I need a shower," he fled the room and everybody laughed.

„We saw the footage from the shopping mall, it was hilarious. If we had popcorn it would have been perfect." Riley snickered. And Matty added with a sharp voice. „The Phoenix pays the bill for the damage in the mall, but the tow truck bill is on you Jack."

„Hey, it wasn't my fault. I couldn't risk searching for a parking lot. Mac would probably have blown up the mall by then." Jack defended himself.

„Ew, why is the floor all sticky?" Bozer joined the conversation and looked around.

„Huh, about that Boze. I needed to make a bathroom run and I was real quick, but when I came back Mac had a little fun with cola, kind of." Jack stammered.

„Kind of?" Bozer frowned, then it dawned on him and he looked up at the ceiling. „Jack! Look at this mess, now we need to do some painting." He complained.

„Relax, I've cleaned it up as best as I could. Believe me you wouldn't want to have seen it when it happened. I moped the floor three times and I know it's still sticky, but don't be mad at me ok? I had a bit of a rough day."

Bozers expression softened, when he noticed how tired Jack looked. Riley suddenly felt guilty for leaving Jack alone in dealing with a drugged Mac. They had a blast watching the mall footage, but for Jack it was anything else but fun. Riley shoved a beer in Jacks hand and dragged him out on the deck, where she pushed him into a chair. „Sorry, for leaving you alone in this. You just sit there and relax big guy, I'll get you some food." Jack smiled warmly at her. „Thanks sweetheart."

After Mac was back from the shower, they all settled around the fire pit and enjoyed the food and a few beers. They avoided to talk about the events of the day until Matty asked. „Well Jack, now that you found out how it is with a kid, do you miss not having any of your own?"

Jack made a face. „To be honest, I'd rather have a puppy!"

END

It would be great, if you'd let me know what you think about it.


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